Today during "class", we discussed our cup The Way I See It # 76. This quotation spoke all about the irony of commitment, that it can free you to live your life the best you can. I suppose the irony is that most people feel like if they are committed to something, they are chaining themselves away from other experiences. The author of this obviously was optimistic and felt different. We thought commitment could free you from the hassle of worry and self doubt because if you're committed you are more confident and sure of your actions.
Now commitment doesn't only mean relationships, it could mean anything. But the longest relationship I've had in my life has been my codependency on cigarettes. I've been a devout smoker since the age of 14. Young, I know. I brought that up to the group to see if they thought if this applied. But we kinda thought it did apply. Sure, I'm a smoker and I know it's gross and terrible, awful for me, but still I smoke. Why? Because I don't care what others say, all I like is how calm I feel after a long hit. Prices may go up or down, maybe I have to drive over to Kentucky to save a couple bucks on a pack. But the fact remains, I smoke and I will continue to smoke until I have a solid good reason not to smoke. Like cancer or a baby. Is that logical? No. But I am committed.
Maybe this is just a load of crap and I'm reaching here. But if I get in a fight with a friend or a boyfriend, or I fail a class, or my boss is getting on my case, there is one outlet through which I am never let down. That is my Marlboro Red, permitting I can find my lighter.
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As an ex-smoker myself, I understand your committment to what we all know is a bad habit. There is a freedom and culture that accompanies smoking that nonsmokers do not understand. Smokers have a community (even as simple as lending a lighter or a smoke to someone in need). My only advice is that if and when you decide to quit, do it for yourself and no one else. Otherwise, you will start again.
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